“Defence force? Really?”
“Yes, really!” I shouted back at the short blonde kid who had been annoying be for a few days now. “Get the hell over it.”
“No, I won’t get over it. Because it’s not what I believe in.”
“So what?! It’s still my choice! Plus! Humans are destructive by nature, why can’t I even contemplate that nature?”
“Well because, we’re trying to change that”
“Who are we? And you can’t change it. You might not think it but every time you pay someone out, or have a go at them you’re being vocally destructive! Each time you make a throw away comment that doesn’t affect you has the ability to affect someone else. God! Don’t you see?! We can’t help but be destructive! We wanted to learn more about the frog, so we destroyed it! We captured it, took it out of its environment and killed it! We wanted to expand our horizons and see what the world has to offer, so we cut down more of the environment! Thus destroying the natural eco systems already in place there!”
“Well ‘Gus and I”
“Two freaking people! Whoop de do! If it’s within a nature then it can’t be changed. It’s like trying to change the way the world goes around.”
“Well superman did that…”
“I don’t care.”
“Well he is right… “
“In what respect other than superman?”
“I dunno”
I paced, raging with fire on the inside, and all the while feeling as if just walking away would be better.
“Maybe just listen to his reasons...”
“I have. God, could I feel much more like an outsider right now?” I glared at my self, and thought of the days in my old school, there was never arguments like this. Stupid and Pointless.
“Most probably.” Came the reply from one of the people at my school on exchange.
I stopped and thought about it for around a minute. “No… Not really. I don’t belong here.  I’m not intelligent” I pointed to one of my smartest friends who was sitting playing chess. “I don’t have drive and big ambitions” I pointed to one of my close friends in the group who had a dream of owning his own company among other things. “And I sure as hell don’t have any natural ability!” I finished pointing to two of my other friends.  “I don’t feel at home...”
“That’s because this is school...”
“Shut up! I know that, but my old school felt like a second home to me. You people don’t realise how envious I am of you! With your abilities, and your ambitions and most of all your intelligence!” I sighed and swallowed hard “and I don’t think anyone... Anyone! Could make me feel more like an outsider than you have made me feel in the past few days. I might as well leave.”
“No! Don’t leave!” A few of my friends said.
“I already have the application, I just need to fill it out, at least back at my old school I wont feel as though I don’t belong; I’ll feel at home, and happy.” I turned before anyone that was standing in front of me saw my first tear fall.
“But this is your school now.” One of the older guys said “You can’t claim that this is any different.”
“Ever feel as if you don't belong? And just come everyday to be strong? Even when nothing feels like home... that’s how I feel. And it’s horrible!” I said turning and running away trying to hold in my tears.
“Someone go get Wesley, I’m gathering she’s crying thanks to him.” A good friend noted pointing to the blonde kid.
“Why Wesley?” a random from within the group asked
“He’s her person for stuff like this.” That was the last thing I heard them say before they were out of earshot.
In a matter of seconds I was down the other side of the school and bursting through the back doors. People had stared as I went past; no one really ever knew what was going on. I got outside and ran directly down the stairs, then into the bark next to them which was hidden under the tiling of outside the building.
I sat and let out a sob, loud and clear, no one was around so I could cry as loudly as I could. “Courtney?” Someone called from above me. “Courtney?!” they called again, by weeping became quieter each time they called my name.
I heard footsteps next to the stairs, and slowly heard the person walking down. One person... no two were coming down the stairs looking for me, I hoped and hoped that they wouldn’t find me.
“Courtney??” I refused to reply.
“Catknee?” Still I didn’t make a sound if I could.
“Courtney!” their calls were getting a little more desperate.
“Court?” I heard a third voice call from above.
The other two made it down to the bottom of the stairs; I guess they stopped on the landing for a bit. I couldn’t hold in a sob anymore, and it escaped.
One of the people who had come to see where I was of course Wesley, whom I’d made a deal with allowing me to cry on him if I needed; the second was Scott, an old friend who seemed to care, along with having an affirmation with calling me ‘Catknee’. The last was Thom, a good friend, who I didn’t expect to really care all that, much...
“Court?” I heard Wesley say as he spotted my location, walking over. “What’s wrong?”
He sat in next to me, put his arm around me and pulled me into him. “I don’t belong here, I’ve never belonged here, and I’m not anything that needs to be here. I have no reason to be here, I’m just taking up a spot someone else who is better than me could use.” I sobbed slowly into his chest.
Scott, or ‘Scottie’ as I favourably called him sat on the other side and rubbed my arm. “You do belong here.” Wesley said in reply.
“No I don’t... I’m not intelligent, I’m not driven, I don’t have big ambitions, I only have limited interest in science and minimal in Maths, and I don’t have any natural abilities in anything that we focus on.”
“You know Court” Scottie interjected “I probably wouldn’t have even able to enjoy and actually stay at our school if it weren’t for you. You made it fun, even when there was stress. You stop people being dicks all the time around me... If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be here really.”
“I’m sure you w-would.” I let out another huge sob as Thom made it down the stairs.
“Whoa, you are actually crying.” He said expecting me to not be.
“Fuck off Thomas.” Scottie said defensively.
“She’s my friend to!”
“Go away Thom.”  I said swallowing any other words I was going to say, which included asking Thom to stay.
He sighed “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t come.” He turned to leave and took a few steps.
I sprang up and grabbed his arm. “Wait...” I said wiping my tears with my other hand.
“Yes?”
“The only reason I’m asking you to leave is because you, make me feel worse about myself. Especially on the intelligence and ambitions side of things, 'kay?”
“okay.”
“So go!”
“You told me to wait!”
“F**k off Thom!” I shouted at him before going back to Wesley and cuddling into him.
He left, with deliberate slowness. As if I would change my mind.